Heya guys.It's been an alrite wednesday could have been better lifes just passing by slowly again nothing i can do to make it better and it would appear that all the girls I like are taken or lucys (my ex) best mates so off bounds. Since I cleared up my life and threw away that old cider bottle "my friends" are gone and gd thing to they only acted as a catalyst in my own undoing and as a result my old self of prefering to relax n go out every now n then has returned but with that i miss the days when life was always moving when the fun times made the boring time less lengthy(this was way before drinking a select few will know the times I am talking about)  . oh well tomorrow I'm helping fusion out and going to skool and no not the old shit hole I used to go to but st. clements or summit in boscombe to help Nick n Ruth (the peeps who run fusion) set up n run there prayer tenty thing which is cool its always nice to meet new people and help out. Then when we go back I'll probs help out a lil and play pool before the open session .and leave at 7ish probs so an earlyish end to the day and an earlier wakey time which reminds me I should put washing on and go to bed.*sigh* on second thoughts I might not go n help tomorrow I hate being around moody Tessa n lethargic Dan they're lack of enthusiasm annoys me.
Tessa has her high's n low's I'd maybe go as far as saying she's on the way to being a manic depressive addicted to coffee. She also has this scary satanic aura about her, gives some pretty evil glares.Although on a high shes very er bouncy and laughy hmmm....
Dan's been through shit (just as Tessa has) and has been and still is quite psychotic and er not arrogant but always speaks highly of people other than the person hes talking to if you get me.He's quite persistent in saying stupid things to get on my nerves over n over e.g "you wanna have a go on my poys?" or " dya want sum disco bicuits*?"
Ok, I did exagerate a little their not that bad but without their some what quirky personalities diluted in the solution that is the fusion gathering they do compliment each others personalities making them seem as bad as I described.
I think I'm just trying to substitute for the work im not doing i would get a job but i wouldnt have to time to enjoy the fruits of my labour n play snooker everyday like I'd do if I had money given to me regularly. I wish my actual grades would come so I can do the college work I wanted to do  .I guess this helping out at fusion thing is me trying to fill void of hard-work sounds silly but if I had school now with none of the wankers just me, no doubt lay in my abnormally large head that I would succeed in life.
If only my connexions adviser would come back from her annual leave cos I need something. I wish I could find one of those courses you always see on tv that you can do at home and by course I dnt mean a tv dinner lol Ideally I'd like an office job of some sort It's the sort of environment I enjoy I find being sat infront of a computer easy on the brain providing its not past midnight of course I would probly end up being the David Brent of the work place although I'd be lower down in the ranks I'd expect. I guess its really a question of asking Tracy (my connexions adviser) how I would go about doing office work part time, I expect it would most likely be a case of writing letters to ask of the possobilities of me doing a modern apprenticeship with the office in question or
ALTERNATIVELY if anyone reading this has a parent or any connections who could help me out they could talk ever so sweetly to them and suggest taking me on (*in a fight*joke, i like my life)
Mansie xXx
...Disco Biscuits*: E's | 
yeah right......) for a while. we;; saturday was fun not....... same old sam old......Fusion play pool socialise a bit then off home cos eveyone goes to the ambassador but lucy doesnt like me there so her friend whos the member of the skanky joint rarely invites me cos lucy is supposidly so over sensitive and attention seeking....grrrrr.....shes ruining my life by pretending to still like me for attention she even got me uninvited to kat's last social gathering (casual drinking not crazy manic piss up although mark anthony and fellow dick head andy wills decided to turn up n cause a load o trouble upsetting peeps and starting fights....). It makes me sick her over friend won't come near me who actually really like..... 
How can she pretend she likes me when 3 guys in the space of 1 month n a half (how long we've bin broken up for now but im sure its 2 months...)have considered asking her out and she liked them too but just too scared to make the first move grrrrr......argh!!!! she starts ignoring me and it ends up being my bloody fault and when i actually come out and say "I said hi and you ignored me, so I thought I'd give ya your space." she gets all shitty with me and i had to break the silence today just cos it was a bday ok that sounds a lil tight but i dnt believe in making a truse or truce how ever u spell it just cos its their bday i mean it doesnt make em any less wrong cos they were born 17 years yesterday but kat asked me to say it as a favour and i couldnt refuse cos kats a gd person if it wasnt for lucy being so annoying i'd like to think me n kat would be closer....................ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! for fuck sake....(sorry bout the language little peeps) its so aggrivating (whoa big words Ben dnt blow a brain cell.)the 3 people I value the company of most dnt wanna come near me cos of come pathetic 5 yr old who just turned 17 i mean ok so i had a fling with K.T and we're still sorta just having fun lying in bed together 99.9% in an innocent fashion (...Ben Innocent? Wha!? 
) but her other friend almost avoids me at times cos of her it feels like that it can be unbearable at times when shes right next to me and i just want her to talk to me or to open her arms wide to me....she rarely does hug me although she has done twice this week maybe she cant be bothered to ignore me any more. The hug should've felt nice but the tension for me had grown so much that it felt like being hugged by a complete and utter stranger you feel like you should push them away but your paralyzed by shock and stand there with ya arms by ya side while she hugs you and (now stay focused this bit confused me.) kisses your neck and says " i love you mate....." yes of course cos thats what all my friends do to me when im standing by a door...... Kat on the other hand when she hugs me it feels sorta nice feels like when u were little and u fell over and bang ya head badly and ya mummy picks you up hugs you and puts u back on ya feet knowing your only gonna fall over again....sorta like that one hug raised your spirits made the clouds disippate to uncover the shiniest of suns n put the skip back into ya step. she still talks to me though the conversations are relatively small but tis quite refreshing to talk to sumone so down to earth has been a while since i could say that about some one people these days seem to have a some what annoying quirkiness, i mean the quirkiness used to be refreshing but now it just seems o so yesterday and you come to realise that the sorta quirkiness you n I possess is personality and that the quirkiness of the people i seem to commonly come across differ in that the quirkiness of the people I seem to attract (or I seem to always end up conversing with) comes with a ginormous black hole located some where within their mind which slowly sucks all the sanity out of them. wow how did i get onto tramps 
............well i dnt wanna talk about crazy peeps cos twill only lead to talking bout americans and there dumb ass ideas awww u gotta love the crazy bastards bless them....
who knows one day I could be good enough to go professional twud be a dream to be playing professional (preferably snooker but pool would do).I should play Mark n Reggie more they're the only people that give me a gd game well Reggie sometimes wipes the floor with me and I sometimes wipe the floor with Mark.Tis a tad sad that I'm so thrilled to be playing in the pool team, Ima end up annoyingly competitive me thinks.